Consciously Uncoupling From 2020
You may remember the infamous announcement that Gwyneth Paltrow issued letting the world know that she and her husband were going through a “conscious uncoupling” as they worked to end their marriage. Although she was mocked incessantly for the phrase at the time, conscious uncoupling has since permeated break-up culture as more people try to end relationships with intention.
Over the years, I’ve been intrigued not so much by the phrase itself, but by the sentiment behind it. In the relationship context, conscious uncoupling is based on parting amicably, keeping mutual respect as part of the process, and remembering the needs of those involved. The “conscious” aspect refers to self-reflection, which must be the foundation of the process in order to avoid falling into the same patterns or repeating similar problems in the next relationship. At the root of conscious uncoupling is self-awareness — we need self-awareness to break old, unhelpful patterns so that we can ultimately exist in a fulfilling, sustainable, long-term relationship.
I think this is a beautiful sentiment. As I was reflecting on moving into 2021, I started to think about all the statements I’ve heard from people saying that they’re done with 2020 and are ready to leave this miserable year behind and simply move on to something better. This got me thinking that, while envisioning a better future can be a powerful exercise, it can be difficult to make the new vision a reality without taking the time to reflect on the past and lessons learned.
Enter conscious uncoupling.
To really move past what has felt like a train wreck of a year in a healthy way, we may want to consider engaging in our own act of conscious uncoupling from 2020. Conscious uncoupling acknowledges that this year has been more challenging and painful than any other in recent history. The collective trauma we’ve experienced, and the grief we undoubtedly will carry forward into the new year, will have a deep and lasting impact. The events, experiences, and lessons of 2020 have affected every aspect of our existence in some way: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, environmental, social, and occupational.
But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
What we have individually and collectively experienced this year has shown us what resilience in practice looks like. It has highlighted our individual and collective resourcefulness and problem-solving skills, demonstrating our ability to cope with, and overcome, challenges during times of uncertainty and stress. It has reminded us about the importance of human connection and shown us what is possible if we slow down, rest, and recharge. This year has given us the gifts of humility and compassion, reminding us that at the end of the day we are human, and part of being human is tending to our humanness.
We’ve learned a decade’s worth of lessons over the course of 12 months. Consciously uncoupling from 2020 is an act of self-compassion that allows us to leave the year behind on our own terms, in a way that serves us and supports us in moving forward. It allows us to intentionally reflect on, learn from, and maybe even feel a sense of gratitude for, the events, experiences, and lessons of this past year — the good, the bad, and everything in between. This gives us permission to acknowledge our individual pain and attend to our grief, while also reminding us that experiencing grief and pain doesn’t mean that we can’t also experience and savor moments of joy and gratitude along the way.
The reality is that 2021 won’t be perfect, and it’s likely that much of what we’ve experienced in 2020 may follow us into the new year. But by giving ourselves the opportunity to consciously uncouple from 2020 and engage in a practice of self-reflection and letting go, perhaps we can see 2020 as a year of growth and real-time resilience, rather than seeing it as nothing more than a dark time to be forgotten. This process has the capacity to lead us into 2021 with a fresh sense of hope, balance, and possibility for all that lies ahead.
And who couldn’t use a little more hope and possibility in the new year?
