Why Self-Care is a Must-Have, Not a Nice-to-Have
As humans we intuitively know that people need care. And, even more so when you work in a high human impact (HHI) field since the work you do directly impacts the well-being of other human beings. You’ve seen first hand how a lack of care can leave people struggling, and how they flourish when their physical, emotional, spiritual and relational needs are met.
So yes, you believe — deeply — in the power of care.
Except, that is, when it comes to caring for yourself.
With a never-ending to-to list, and countless daily pressures in our work and home lives, and a desire to serve everyone else, our own well-being is rarely top of mind, and self-care is usually the first thing to drop to the bottom of the list, if not off the list completely. The reality is that we are coping with a constantly elevated level of stress — and when self-care is pushed aside, the effects can be devastating.
Because here’s the reality:
If you don’t intentionally choose to take care of yourself, your body will make the decision for you.
I know because, ironically, it happened to me. There I was teaching this stuff, urging people working in high human impact (HHI) organizations to put on their own oxygen masks first, to attend to their own needs, to make self-care a non-negotiable — and I wasn’t walking the talk.
Of course, my lack of self-care caught up with me at the worst possible moment (as is usually the case). While serving on assignment abroad my body finally gave out and I ended up having to curtail the assignment — something I’d never done before.
This isn’t just my story though: it’s what happens to all of us when we neglect self-care.
It might sound melodramatic but neglecting self-care is akin to inflicting trauma on ourselves and the effects are exactly what one would expect from experiencing trauma — physical, mental, emotional, and even relational distress. Eventually our body, our mind, our connection to a sense of purpose, even our relationships, will eventually give out. And when that happens, we don’t just struggle to take care of ourselves; we struggle to show up for the people we’re caring for and trying to serve, too.
And once we hit that point, it can be hard to claw our way back.
Why we neglect self-care.
Of course, it’s easy to understand this cognitively, to be fully on board with the idea of prioritizing our own well-being and making time for self-care — and yet, the reality is that most of us fail to follow through on it in our day-to-day lives.
It’s not surprising really. Those of us who work in HHI organizations are under immense pressure to help the most vulnerable people in the world. When we hold up our need for five minutes to sit in silence or to take a walk against the suffering of a displaced person or an abuse survivor, we’re often met with feelings of guilt and shame. When we’re faced with human tragedy on a daily basis, our own needs can feel trivial and self-care seems indulgent.
But here’s the thing — people who work in HHI sectors face challenges that go beyond traditional workplace stressors like stress, anxiety and burnout — they’re also dealing with things like vicarious or secondary traumatic stress, moral injury and compassion fatigue. On top of these workplace stressors, individuals may be living with chronic diseases or pain, experiencing grief, or family and financial stress and it’s a lot — and that doesn’t even include things like the pandemic. It’s a lot — enough to make even the most resilient stumble.
And if you are, have, or will in the future experience the impact of these stressors, it doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human.
So if we know that showing up for ourselves is absolutely essential to showing up for other people, how do we remove the stigma of self-care? How do we, as people working in HHI organizations, embrace the notion that self-care is a must-have, not an indulgent nice-to-have?
It’s about redefining self-care.
And that starts with a mindset shift. We have to stop comparing ourselves with other people and start recognizing the validity of our own experiences, giving ourselves the time, space and permission to attend to them. It’s also about understanding our individual stress signatures and acknowledging that what’s stressful for me, might not be what’s stressful to you, and vice versa. It’s about letting go of stereotypical ideas about what we think self-care looks like, and not getting caught up in a cycle of “shoulds.” It’s about asking ourselves what gets in the way of our self-care and proactively creating a plan to find a way around these obstacles.
Above all, it’s about realizing that prioritizing self-care does not make us soft and it’s not an indulgence; it’s an absolute necessity. And you’re allowed (and encouraged!) to define what self-care is and how it shows up for you in any way that works for you. Whether it’s a daily nature walk or time spent cooking a nourishing meal, or decluttering your closet — whether it looks like self-care to someone else doesn’t matter as long as it allows you to rest, relax, and recharge.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care.
There are six main buckets of well-being and flourishing. Optimal well-being in each of these areas of our lives requires self-care practices that specifically address and refill each of these buckets. Rarely are all of these buckets completely full at the same time — that’s okay — but identifying which buckets need to be topped up, we can design a more targeted approach to self-care that leaves us feeling energized and resilient more often. The six buckets are:
1. Mental.
Ask yourself what you need to thrive mentally. Perhaps it’s time alone to process your thoughts, or a more stimulating challenge like a crossword puzzle or learning a language. Whatever allows you to engage in some form of intellectual stimulation.
2. Physical.
How often do you neglect even the most basic of your physical needs? Yet making sure you’re hydrated, that you’re not skipping lunch, that you’re taking the time to get up from your desk at least once an hour and that you’re getting enough rest can make a huge difference to your overall well being.
3. Practical.
We don’t often think of this as self-care, but it’s often these daily tasks that are the cause of great stress. Are there any practical tasks you could introduce to your day-to-day life that would help you tackle your to-do list with more ease? For example, creating a budget, planning your weekly meals in advance, or setting aside a specific day for dealing with household bills and admin?
4. Emotional.
Your physical needs, like thirst or hunger are often hard to ignore and easy to decipher but emotional needs can be more elusive. However, if you’re feeling irritable, frustrated, overly-worried, your brain might well be trying to tell you it’s time to pay more attention to your emotional needs. And, as ever, what works for others might not work for you. So what do you think would help fill your emotional bucket? A cathartic cry over an old movie? Talking things over with a good friend? A day off?
5. Spiritual.
This bucket is about the ability to nurture your spirit and feel connected to something bigger than you. This might come in the form of prayer or religious rituals for some, and for others it might be taking a walk in nature, five minutes of nostril breathing, a guided meditation, or taking the time to journal and explore your inner landscape.
6. Social.
This aspect of well-being is about finding ways to connect, nurture, and deepen the relationships you have with the people in your life. Even the most introverted among us needs regular, enriching social interaction so figure out what works for you — whether it’s a time spent in a group of friends or colleagues, or a regular date with just one close friend — and pledge to make a habit of catching up with the people who inspire you, uplift you, and bring you joy.
Fundamentally, it’s a boundaries thing.
Once you’ve figured out the best way to fill each bucket, creating an on-going self-care practice comes down to one thing: boundaries. Boundaries around your time. Boundaries around your energy. And boundaries around your capacity.
You want to show up as the very best version of yourself, for your organization and above all, for the people you serve. And the key to that is showing up for yourself, first. Ultimately, treat yourself as you’d treat the people you serve or your loved ones and you’ll be well on your way to realizing that very best version of you.
